“Things are as they are. We suffer because we imagined different.” – Rachel Wolchin
I looked out my window this morning and saw blue sky and sunshine. I’ve been forming a habit of going to the beach and swimming in the ocean as soon as I wake up, so I was pleased to see the weather was fine.
But by the time I got to the beach, ominous clouds had formed and the wind had picked up. I couldn’t help but feel disappointment. After all, reality had failed to meet my expectations. As the quote by Rachel Wolchin says, I had imagined different.
Suffering arises in the space between our expectations and reality.
You expected your girlfriend would stay with you, but she didn’t. You expected your job would be fulfilling, but it’s not. You expected the weather to be fine, but it’s raining. The piece of cake looked delicious, but it tasted kinda gross.
You can see how suffering – grief, resentment, disappointment – creeps into our lives in subtle moments, often without us realising it.
To me, this is what mindfulness is about. It’s being aware of what’s causing us to feel and think a certain way. I’m not saying we should abandon expectations altogether. I think it’s important to have high expectations of oneself, for instance.
But for the things that we can’t control, we should see our expectations for what they are.
They’re nothing more than wishes, or prayers.
We can think them, but we shouldn’t be attached to them.
We need to learn to let them go, to give up our desire to control the uncontrollable.
That way, when our expectations don’t align with reality, we will be free from suffering.
So, at the beach this morning, as the clouds closed in and the wind whipped up the ocean, I put this theory into practice. I felt disappointment (suffering) start to rise up, but I stopped it in its tracks, I let it go, and I ran into the sea.
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