#003 Your Default Setting, What Men Crave + Humming
Hey, friends. Welcome to another edition of The Now newsletter.
One thing I’m learning about writing a short, weekly newsletter is a lot of the stuff I want to share, the stuff that’s most alive for me, also happens to be stuff I’m still figuring out.
In some ways, this is good because the ideas are raw, energetic, and flowing out of me in real time.
However, it can also mean the ideas aren’t fully formed. They may seem haphazard or, in some cases, slightly irresponsible.
I think there’s value in sharing ideas in seed form as it gives them the opportunity to be sown and germinate in others’ minds — in your mind.
The best ideas will survive, grow and spread. Who knows what they might achieve out there in the world?
The others… well, they’ll disappear into the ether from which they came.
I hope you’ll find something in this week’s newsletter that plants a seed in your mind and takes on a life of its own.
— Jonathan
One mind-expanding idea: Your Default Setting 💡
In his book Awareness, Anthony de Mello says: Happiness is our natural state.
It’s our default setting.
Yet, we spend our lives doing things to try and get happiness.
We buy nice stuff, travel, binge watch Netflix, eat good food, take mind-bending drugs, pursue intimate relationships, try all the latest self-development hacks – all in the pursuit of happiness.
But it doesn’t seem to be working.
The reality is, we have more of what we thought would make us happy, but we’ve never been less happy.
Figure that one out.
So if happiness is our natural state, why is unhappiness so rampant?
The answer’s annoyingly simple.
de Mello says our illusions are the number one barrier to happiness.
Illusions are like programs we’ve downloaded that determine how we see and operate in the world.
They’re the beliefs, stories and labels we’ve had ingrained into us.
The belief that a thing, experience or person can provide the happiness we’re seeking is an example of such an illusion.
de Mello lists many others in the book:
- It’s important to be important
- External events have the power to hurt you
- You are the labels others put on you
Happiness – our natural state – is found by letting go of illusions.
We do this by cultivating awareness through self-observation and coming into contact with reality.
You can practice this the next time you fall for the illusion that something will make you happy.
Become aware of this belief, observe where it’s coming from, bump into reality, and watch the illusion crumble.
We all have layers upon layers of illusions.
The journey back to happiness, our natural state, our default setting, is a process of letting these illusions go.
One curiosity-igniting link: What Men Crave 👀
I’ve been devouring John Wineland‘s work over the past few weeks – podcasts, videos and now his book.
John’s a speaker, relationship coach and teacher guiding men and women in the practices of spiritual intimacy, sexual polarity and embodied masculine leadership.
His teachings have already had a profound impact on me and I think they’re desperately needed in the world today.
This short video, What Men Crave, is what put John “on the map” six years ago.
Talking about masculine and feminine energy and men’s desires can be controversial territory these days.
I simply ask that you watch and listen with an open mind and heart and reserve judgement till the very last line.
If you’re interested in exploring John’s work more, he has a bunch of videos on YouTube and a recent book, From the Core.
Watch on YouTube
One life-altering practice: Humming 🔥
You’ve probably been humming your whole life.
Babies do it before they learn to talk, all of us have hummed along to music, and it’s our natural response when eating delicious food.
And yet, until recently, I viewed humming as some kind of woo woo spiritual practice for monks in caves.
In recent years, humming has become a regular practice for me.
It’s one of the most reliable tools I have for down-regulating from stress and anxiety and it only takes a minute to produce noticeable effects.
There are many reasons why humming is such a powerful practice:
- It naturally lengthens your exhale, which activates your parasympathetic nervous system
- It stimulates your vagus nerve, which helps to balance your autonomic nervous system
- The vibrating sound provides an “internal massage” for various organs and glands in the body
Some of the studied benefits of humming include:
- Increased oxygen in cells
- Lowered blood pressure and heart rate
- Increased lymphatic circulation
- Increased levels of melatonin
- Reduced levels of stress-related hormones
- Release of endorphins
- Increased levels of nitric oxide
- Release of oxytocin
How to do it: The Humming Bee Breath
- Simply inhale fully through the nose
- As you exhale, create an “mmm” sound in your mouth cavity
- Repeat 3-5x
That’s it for this week. Wishing you all a beautiful weekend.
Thanks for reading,
— Jonathan