#015 Fear Reveals the Path, “Rest Ethic” + Defining the Nightmare 😱
Hey, friends. Welcome to this week’s edition of The Now Newsletter.
I don’t have much in the way of an intro for you this week as I’d love for you to dive straight in.
But as always, I’d just like to say thanks for being here.
It truly means a lot that you’re taking the time to read this and I hope my words — my humble collection of “notes to self” — are of some value to you this week.
— Jonathan
💡 One mind-expanding idea: Fear Reveals the Path
“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” – Joseph Campbell
Fear is our natural response to perceived danger.
But the dangers we face today aren’t what they used to be.
Rejection, failure and embarrassment are the lions, tigers and bears of the 21st Century.
We do everything we can to avoid them.
But we end up avoiding the fullness of life in the process.
In today’s world, fear is more often a response to opportunity than danger.
The physiological experience of fear is almost identical to excitement.
Your mind just interprets the experiences differently.
At its core, fear is an invitation to move beyond what is known and into the realm of the unknown.
Many of the most meaningful things in life are on the other side of fear.
Asking someone on a date. Sharing something you’ve made with the world. Saying what you really mean. Changing your career or quitting your job. Trying something new. Standing up for what you believe in.
All of these things present life-altering possibilities if you have the courage to step into them.
A simple example from my life is the night I met my partner, Rieke.
I was having a drink in a bar with a friend when I saw this beautiful, striking woman with bright blonde hair and blazing blue eyes.
I knew I had to learn more about her.
But I was afraid of what that would require of me.
Fear of vulnerability and rejection has stopped me in my tracks more times than I’d care to admit.
But on this night, I walked towards it. I approached her. We connected. One thing led to another and we’ve been doing life together for the past four years.
My relationship with Rieke has been one of the most rewarding, exciting, adventurous, challenging journeys of my life.
But it wouldn’t have happened without, first, walking through fear.
Author Steven Pressfield says:
“Fear tells us what we have to do … the more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.”
This is what I mean when I say fear reveals the path.
If you can learn to differentiate between fear of legitimate danger and fear of the unknown, you can use your fear as a guidance system.
It won’t ever be your only guidance system, but it’s one tool you have to reveal the path before you.
Here are a few simple steps to help you on this journey.
Interrogate fear
When you feel fear rise up (and it will), listen to what it says.
Is it being rational? Is it being honest? Is it really working in your best interests?
Become familiar with the voice of fear.
Observe it, question it, call it out on its bullshit.
Fear likes to lurk in the darkness of your subconscious mind.
Bring your fear into the light.
Reframe fear
You’re conditioned to see fear as a warning sign.
I like to think of fear as a big road sign that says “THIS WAY!” in bold, white letters.
Or a green “GO” signal at a set of traffic lights.
Or a bright, orange, triangle trail marker, which you find on most hiking tracks here in New Zealand.
I’m not saying you should run recklessly in the direction of fear.
But these mental images can help change how fear feels.
By reframing fear as an invitation, you can recondition your response to it.
Move towards fear
You don’t have to go all-in on the thing you fear right away.
But can you start edging towards it slowly?
Enter the cave.
Take the first step on the path.
When you move towards fear, it starts to lose its power.
“Do the thing you fear, and the death of fear is certain.” — attributed to both Mark Twain and Ralph Waldo Emerson
Note: Obviously fear still serves its evolutionary purpose and can be a response to real danger. So if you’re hiking in the woods and hear a grizzly bear, please don’t think “THIS WAY!” and walk towards it. That’s not gonna end well.
🔗 One curiosity-igniting link: The Value of “Rest Ethic”
Look at any CV in the English-speaking world and you’ll likely find the words “good work ethic” written in the ‘personal attributes’ section.
It’s been so overused that it’s almost meaningless and yet it’s something that holds a lot of value in our society.
Having a good work ethic essentially means you’re a diligent worker.
There’s nothing wrong with that.
But given how much emphasis we place on “work ethic” in our society, are we paying enough attention to its opposite?
In recent podcast interviews promoting his new book Excellent Advice for Living, Kevin Kelly has ignited a public conversation about the value of a good “rest ethic”.
“Efficiency is highly overrated; goofing off is highly underrated. Regularly scheduled sabbaths, sabbaticals, vacations, breaks, aimless walks and time off are essential for top performance of any kind. The best work ethic requires a good rest ethic.” — Kevin Kelly, Excellent Advice for Living
I just love the idea of “goofing off”. It’s not something you hear being promoted very often, especially by an older guy.
I first heard Kevin talk about this idea on The Pathless Path Podcast with Paul Millerd (time-stamped below), but he’s also talked about it on the Tim Ferriss Show recently.
I’m a massive advocate for developing a strong rest ethic in order to sustain a good work ethic.
And, who knows, maybe someday we’ll see the words “Strong rest ethic” on CVs in the future.
🔥 One life-altering practice: Defining the Nightmare
If you’re interested in going deeper with overcoming fear, this practice can help.
Fear-Setting (an alternative to goal-setting) is based on ancient Stoic philosophy.
It was popularised by Tim Ferriss in a TED Talk in 2018.
Tim describes Fear-Setting as “the most powerful exercise I do” and, given the many life experiments he’s conducted over the years, that’s really saying something.
At its core, Fear-Setting is about “defining the nightmare” or the worst-case scenario of taking action or moving towards your fear.
The exercise guides you through a series of questions, including “What are the potential benefits of taking action?” and “What are the potential costs of inaction?”
The magic of Fear-Setting, is that when you start analysing your fears in an objective, methodical way, they usually start to feel smaller and much more manageable.
There’s a great breakdown of the Fear-Setting exercise on this website or you can dive into Tim’s original blog post here.
Fear-Setting is a great way to bring your fears out of your subconscious and into the light.
“Fear-setting has produced my biggest business and personal successes, as well as repeatedly helped me to avoid catastrophic mistakes.” — Tim Ferriss
That’s it for this edition. I hope life presents you with opportunities to explore your fears this week. If it does, I highly encourage you to take a step towards them.
Thanks for reading,
— Jonathan