#014 Hold the Pose, Embracing Boredom + Dirga Pranayama
Hey, friends. Welcome to another edition of The Now newsletter.
I’ve come down with a cold over the past couple of days, which tends to happen about once a year.
It always reminds me of the quote attributed to the Chinese philosopher Confucius:
Even though I only have a mild sickness, it’s a timely reminder that health is of the utmost importance and not something to be taken for granted.
Yesterday, I took a generous dose of three of life’s most potent medicines: Sunshine, fresh air, and movement.
My partner and I enjoyed a short hike around an expansive coastline and, as I write this, I’m feeling a lot better.
Therefore, I approach this newsletter with a renewed sense of energy and appreciation for life and good health.
May you, too, be happy, may you be well, may you be safe, may you be peaceful and at ease (a little tip of the hat to edition #012 there).
Thanks for being here,
— Jonathan
💡 One Mind-Expanding Idea: Hold the Pose
I want you to imagine doing a yoga posture or stretch that is just beyond the edge of your comfort zone.
How does it feel? What thoughts arise? Where are you experiencing tension in your body?
If you feel an urge to abandon the pose and release the tension, I don’t blame you.
It’s natural to feel resistance to things that challenge you.
But what happens if you stay with the pose, connect with your body and invite it to soften, quiet your mind, and breathe into the tension?
Might you find that your body gradually relaxes into the position that, just moments ago, felt a bit uncomfortable?
Might this expand the capacity of your body and redefine the limits of your comfort zone?
There is value to be found in holding the pose.
The same thinking can be applied to other areas of your life, too.
John Wineland, author, teacher and relationship coach, coined the term “Hold the Pose” in the context of intimate relationships.
We all know that relationships, while beautiful and enriching, come with their fair share of tension.
It’s kinda inevitable when two unique individuals with unique dispositions, desires, emotions, priorities and histories collide within space and time.
In an intimate relationship, John says, it’s the masculine partner who is called to hold the pose, while the feminine is a more free-flowing force.
Now, I want you to imagine a moment of tension in a relationship — one that’s beyond the edge of your comfort zone.
It could be an argument in which your partner says something that triggers a strong emotional response in you.
In these moments, you’ll typically resort to a habitual response.
Perhaps, you’ll collapse and retreat from the tension and seek to escape the discomfort by avoiding it entirely.
Or you may go on the attack in an attempt to justify or defend yourself, exacerbating the tension.
But what if you can find it within yourself stand in the fire and hold the pose?
Holding the pose means grounding yourself, opening yourself, being fully present, breathing deeply, feeling the tension and being OK with it, and showing your partner that they can trust you to hold the fullness of the moment.
Just like a challenging stretch or yoga posture, it may feel uncomfortable, even unbearable.
But if you hold the pose, connect with your body, breathe through the tension, and embody love, you can create the conditions for expansion.
“We have to train ourselves to hold the pose until we evoke that which is most beautiful, most artful, most loving, most sacred from whatever moment we are in… This is how we change the world, one moment at a time. By being more loving than we want to be. By finding love in our hearts and patience in our nervous systems we didn’t know was there. This is how we heal each other. By practicing the art of evoking the best from any moment over and over and over again.” — John Wineland
I can tell you from experience that holding the pose melts tension and increases the capacity for love, trust and intimacy in a relationship.
But it’s not easy.
Like yoga or martial arts, it takes practice and discipline to be comfortable with tension and stay in the fire.
As you deepen your practice, you’ll discover that holding the pose is a powerful orientation to all of life’s challenges.
In the same way that a muscle relaxes into a posture, or an intimate partner surrenders to love, you may find that life opens up and makes way for the one who holds the pose.
Recommended reading: If this resonated with you, I highly recommend reading John Wineland’s book ‘From the Core’, which goes much deeper on this and other topics related to masculine leadership.
🔗 One Curiosity-Igniting Link: Embracing Boredom
Have you heard of thaasophobia?
It’s the fear of sitting still, of being idle, or of being bored.
I suspect about 98% of people born after 1985 has, at the very least, a mild case of thaasophobia.
Boredom is scary.
But Seth Godin famously said: “If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try.”
And don’t forget Blaise Pascal’s iconic one-liner: “All of humanity’s problems stem from a man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
This week’s link is a shortish video (12 minutes) about the pursuit of boredom and how it can change your life.
“When we are not compelled to fill our schedule with anything and everything in order to simply avoid boredom (or seeming boring); when we are not compelled to satiate the slightest intimation of boredom with a phone or console, we will, instead, begin to more often do the things we otherwise put off but actually want to do and work on.”
I think this message is particularly important in a time of digital distraction, busyness, over-achievement and “success porn”.
Boredom might just be a revolutionary act that changes the course of your life.
Also, speaking of scary uncomfortable things, boredom provides an excellent opportunity to practice holding the pose.
🔥 One Life-Altering Practice: Three-Part Breath
I do my best to link the practices I share with the general theme of the newsletter.
This week’s practice, Dirga Pranayama (Three-Part Breath), is recommended by John Wineland as a way to expand your nervous system capacity and “create space for more energy and love to flow”.
In other words, it’s a good practice for preparing yourself to hold the pose.
However, when you find yourself in the midst of a challenging situation, I’d recommend simple, slow, deep breathing to ground yourself and be with what’s unfolding.
Dirga Pranayama is a more advanced breathwork practice, so please take it slowly and be gentle with yourself.
How to do Dirga Pranayama (Three-Part Breath)
- Find a comfortable seated position, either on the floor with crossed legs or on a chair. You can also lay down if you’d like. Make sure your spine is straight but relaxed.
- Take a moment to relax your body and mind. Close your eyes and bring your awareness to your breath.
- The three parts of the breath are: expanding your lower belly, your ribcage (intercostal muscles), and your upper chest. You can place your hand on each part of your body to help guide your breath.
- Begin by taking a slow, deep inhalation through your nose. As you inhale, allow your belly to expand fully. Feel your abdomen rise with the breath.
- Once your belly is full, continue inhaling and let the breath flow into your ribcage. Feel your ribs expand outwards, to the sides, and even slightly backward.
- Continue the inhalation and let the breath fill your chest completely. Feel your chest rise and expand. You should now have a sense of fullness in your belly, ribs, and chest.
- Pause briefly at the top of your inhalation, holding the breath for a moment. Be aware of the sensation of fullness and energy in your body.
- Now, slowly exhale through your nose. Begin by releasing the breath from your chest.
- Move on to exhaling from your ribcage, allowing your ribs to contract.
- Finally, complete the exhalation by drawing your navel in towards your spine, emptying your belly.
- Take a moment to rest in the space of empty lungs before beginning the next inhalation.
- Repeat this process of deep inhalation and slow exhalation for several rounds. Focus on the expansion and contraction of your belly, ribs, and chest with each breath.
To begin with, you may want to practice each of the three parts individually and then gradually string them together like a rolling wave of breath.
I struggled to find a really good guided video for this practice, but this one’s pretty good.
That’s it for this edition. I hope life presents you with opportunities to hold the pose this week. I’d be really surprised if it doesn’t 😉
Thanks for reading,
— Jonathan